Sorry I've been gone a while. Attack of food poisoning. Or, as my dad diagnosed it from 3,000 miles away - over the phone - "that stomach bug that's been going around." (And then, in the same conversation, he dismissed the extraordinary diagnostic abilities of the esteemed Gregory House. Hm.)
Aside from my posting this item on the 25th, this really has nothing to do with the holidays. Except I realize it'd be bad form not to religious-neutrally wish you and yours a happy politically correct festival of your choice. So there you go.
And, actually, I have to admit that I watched Letterman last night and, in keeping with his holiday tradition, he had Darlene Love on to close the show with "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)." Here's a link to the 2006 rendition - but, y'know, because it's a tradition and all, what you'll see at the link is basically the same at what was on TV last night, so just go with it. I'm not a celebrator of Christmas, but hearing Darlene Love sing that thing... well, let's just say she makes a strong case for the general idea of yuletide carols being sung by a choir.
And, now that I think of it, without my even mentioning that I'd heard the song, today my brilliant and amazing wife asked me if I was going to amuse myself today by finding and re-watching this video (which stars the voice of one Darlene Love). And I am. Because "Christmastime for the Jews" has amused me at this time of year a few years running.
I mean, how can you beat lyrics like "They can eat in Chinatown and drink their sweet-ass wine," or "They can gang up on the Quakers / Play for the Lakers / They can do what they wanna / Even blow off Madonna"? Well, when they're sung by Ms. Love, you just can't. You should watch it. Do it for me.
So, aside from those things, I'm serious: This post has nothing to do with the holidays. The reason I wanted to post today was to pass on my two favorite quotes of the week - both from people I'm happy to be related to. It's the first installment of... The SFTC Family Quote Machine!
I was telling my dad about a great dinner I'd eaten the previous night (this was a safe couple of nights pre-stomach ailment, so I'm confident it had no bearing on my illness), and mentioned that I'd had an incredibly good chicken dish. (Trust me, really, it was great.) Anyway, I liked what he said next: "You know, chicken is the new lobster."
My grandfather was telling me about his latest phone conversation with his great-grandson, who also just happens to be in a first-place tie (with his younger brother) for the title of world's coolest nephew. Kid goes by the nickname of Cardboard. Don't ask me why.
The conversation apparently went something like this:
(Gramps) "I knew that was you before I picked up the phone. I could tell by the ring."
(Cardboard) "What did the ring sound like?"
(G) "Brrring, brrrring!"
(C) "What does it sound like when everyone else calls?"
Score one for Cardboard.
And even though I'm avoiding all of the holiday stuff: Happy, Merry, Safe and Healthy. Now, I have some halls to go deck.