I remember one time in elementary school, an assistant principal yelled at me for failing to show up for an "important" field trip. I think he told me my absence and blatant disregard for something or other made him feel like he had lost a son. Which was probably a little more melodromatic than the situation called for. (It'll take too long to explain and/or remember all of the details, but the short version of the story is that I didn't show up for the bus because I was sitting in detention. Ironic, right?)
Anyway, I'd think that on any list of "important things to show up for," your own gubernatorial impeachment trial would be high on anyone's list. Anyone, apparently, except for G-Rod.
Speaking of lists, if I keep a list of "favorite paragraphs I read in the New York Times in 2009," I'm pretty sure this one is going to be in the running for No. 1:
“Is the governor present?” Justice Fitzgerald asked the packed but silent chamber. No one answered. An ornate wooden desk reserved for the governor or his defense lawyers sat empty. “Is there anyone present on behalf of the governor?” No one spoke.
(Hey, kids! Don't forget: You can still get your unlimited-edition Free Rod t-shirt right here, from your close personal friends at S and J Market!)
Showing posts with label Vote for Pedro. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vote for Pedro. Show all posts
January 26, 2009
January 20, 2009
November 14, 2008
Two things about smart kids
Thing one
Perhaps we should all read and digest this story about an enterprising eighth grader in Chicago, who demonstrated quite clearly that some (many?) Obama supporters who like to talk about how open-minded and tolerant they (we?) are, are just as obnoxious as those horribly closed-minded red-staters.
This does not, however, change my belief that the Republican vp candidate wasn't really even smart enough to cast a ballot - let alone have her name on one. But I think the kid makes a good point.
Thing two
If you're looking for a movie this weekend, I have a winner for you: Slumdog Millionaire. (Official site here; high-def trailers here.) I'll give you a six-word review in a moment.
First, though, this recommendation comes with a major caveat: Slumdog includes a handful of brutally violent scenes, including one that, although brief, rates as among the cruelest I've ever watched. If that's a deal-breaker, then maybe you should skip it.
But I think those scenes are worth enduring. Because if you go see this movie, you will also witness some of the most beautiful images you'll ever see on motion picture film (read: unless you have one of these, in this size, do not wait to watch it at home). I know that sounds trite - and, to repeat, I hate pseudo-intellectual movie criticism by morons - but trust me, this film is gorgeous to watch.
It's crushing but inspiring. It's a thriller, a love story and a coming-of-age saga about two very crafty brothers in India who miraculously, incredibly, survive and - in a way - thrive, despite an almost hopeless childhood. Oh, and major parts of the movie take place on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, so, well, yeah. And now, your official SFTC Six-word Movie Review...
The film: Slumdog Millionaire.
The six-word review: Unlike anything you'll see this year.
Perhaps we should all read and digest this story about an enterprising eighth grader in Chicago, who demonstrated quite clearly that some (many?) Obama supporters who like to talk about how open-minded and tolerant they (we?) are, are just as obnoxious as those horribly closed-minded red-staters.
This does not, however, change my belief that the Republican vp candidate wasn't really even smart enough to cast a ballot - let alone have her name on one. But I think the kid makes a good point.
Thing two
If you're looking for a movie this weekend, I have a winner for you: Slumdog Millionaire. (Official site here; high-def trailers here.) I'll give you a six-word review in a moment.
First, though, this recommendation comes with a major caveat: Slumdog includes a handful of brutally violent scenes, including one that, although brief, rates as among the cruelest I've ever watched. If that's a deal-breaker, then maybe you should skip it.
But I think those scenes are worth enduring. Because if you go see this movie, you will also witness some of the most beautiful images you'll ever see on motion picture film (read: unless you have one of these, in this size, do not wait to watch it at home). I know that sounds trite - and, to repeat, I hate pseudo-intellectual movie criticism by morons - but trust me, this film is gorgeous to watch.
It's crushing but inspiring. It's a thriller, a love story and a coming-of-age saga about two very crafty brothers in India who miraculously, incredibly, survive and - in a way - thrive, despite an almost hopeless childhood. Oh, and major parts of the movie take place on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, so, well, yeah. And now, your official SFTC Six-word Movie Review...
The film: Slumdog Millionaire.
The six-word review: Unlike anything you'll see this year.
November 12, 2008
It's not over
One of the very few downsides to Barack Obama's big win last week - or so I had presumed at the time - was that, to paraphrase the great Richard Nixon, we wouldn't have Sarah Palin to kick around anymore.
I guess we can move Sarah Palin-kicking-around back into the "still an option" category.
Alaska's brainiac-in-chief is apparently continuing her media tour, promoting, um, herself? Maybe she's just laying the groundwork for a series of educational guides - kind of like Caribou Barbie Berlitz - that would enable the rest of us over down here to learn what the hell she means when she says Yoda-inspired stuff like this: “But not me personally were those cheers for.”
Or this: “And if there is an open door in ’12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plow through that door.”
Which makes me think that someone should explain to her how doors work. Y'know, if they're open and all, walking through the empty space usually does the trick. I don't think there's any plowing required.
I guess we can move Sarah Palin-kicking-around back into the "still an option" category.
Alaska's brainiac-in-chief is apparently continuing her media tour, promoting, um, herself? Maybe she's just laying the groundwork for a series of educational guides - kind of like Caribou Barbie Berlitz - that would enable the rest of us over down here to learn what the hell she means when she says Yoda-inspired stuff like this: “But not me personally were those cheers for.”
Or this: “And if there is an open door in ’12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plow through that door.”
Which makes me think that someone should explain to her how doors work. Y'know, if they're open and all, walking through the empty space usually does the trick. I don't think there's any plowing required.
November 5, 2008
Right, wrong and rights
Wonderful - I mean really wonderful - fantastic and, to me, still a little bit unbelievable. Though Obama had my support from the get-go (or couldn't you tell?), I really didn't think this country would elect a black president in my lifetime. Even after he won primaries and caucuses, I doubted whether he could win the party's nomination, let alone a general election. I thought there were too many people across the nation who just wouldn't, couldn't, vote for a black man. Here's an understatement: Glad I was wrong.
Last night, I suppose, will be one of a small handful of those moments in my life about which I'll say, "I remember where I was when..." in 30 or 40 years.
My celebration of Obama's victory was tempered this morning, however, by other election news. I woke up this morning to a reminder that there really are plenty of people - more than 5.1 million in California alone - who still suffer from a paralyzing mix of fear, ignorance or a combination thereof. Here's what some of those people look like:
(Thanks to L.A. Times for the photo.)
Let's be clear: This a picture of people who are ecstatic that may of their fellow citizens will again be treated differently under the law, simply because of who they choose to spend their lives with. So, way to go, Jim Domen of Yorba Linda. I can see why you'd thrust your arms in the air as though you've just won the Super Bowl. I mean, you did an awesome job rescinding a basic civil right from thousands and thousands of California men and women just because... I give up. I'm at a complete loss. I hear the "threatening traditional marriage" argument and I don't understand what that means or how two gay people getting married has even a remote impact on your life.
I guess you can rest easy tonight, knowing that no more of those highly dangerous gay couples will be able to get married in California. Kind of like you could have rested easy last night, when gay marriage had absolutely no effect on anything you did. But whatever.
Last night, I suppose, will be one of a small handful of those moments in my life about which I'll say, "I remember where I was when..." in 30 or 40 years.
My celebration of Obama's victory was tempered this morning, however, by other election news. I woke up this morning to a reminder that there really are plenty of people - more than 5.1 million in California alone - who still suffer from a paralyzing mix of fear, ignorance or a combination thereof. Here's what some of those people look like:
(Thanks to L.A. Times for the photo.)
Let's be clear: This a picture of people who are ecstatic that may of their fellow citizens will again be treated differently under the law, simply because of who they choose to spend their lives with. So, way to go, Jim Domen of Yorba Linda. I can see why you'd thrust your arms in the air as though you've just won the Super Bowl. I mean, you did an awesome job rescinding a basic civil right from thousands and thousands of California men and women just because... I give up. I'm at a complete loss. I hear the "threatening traditional marriage" argument and I don't understand what that means or how two gay people getting married has even a remote impact on your life.
I guess you can rest easy tonight, knowing that no more of those highly dangerous gay couples will be able to get married in California. Kind of like you could have rested easy last night, when gay marriage had absolutely no effect on anything you did. But whatever.
November 4, 2008
Out, damned spots
Depending on the results of the actual voting, I believe the third or fourth best news at the end of the day will be that we don't have to watch election ads anymore for a year or two or four. That's change I can believe in.
(Although I recognize the next sonic annoyance, wall-to-wall Christmas music, is just around the corner. Nothing my little friend can't take care of, though.)
An email from my dad this morning contained the best phrase I've heard in a while. In reference to the election, he wrote that today's events would be "kind of filling in the crevices of uncertainty for a day or two." With a tweak or two, I thought it could be the basis for the title of the next Bond movie.
Lines at the polls in our NOTW were running about 90 minutes long for those who showed up at 7 a.m. How about in your neighborhood?
(Although I recognize the next sonic annoyance, wall-to-wall Christmas music, is just around the corner. Nothing my little friend can't take care of, though.)
An email from my dad this morning contained the best phrase I've heard in a while. In reference to the election, he wrote that today's events would be "kind of filling in the crevices of uncertainty for a day or two." With a tweak or two, I thought it could be the basis for the title of the next Bond movie.
Lines at the polls in our NOTW were running about 90 minutes long for those who showed up at 7 a.m. How about in your neighborhood?
November 3, 2008
Miscellaneous Monday
In no particular order:
1) After a hiatus of two years or so - during which they probably missed me terribly - I am once again a Costco member. The most immediate result of this weekend development is that my mid-afternoon snack today is approximately one and three quarters pounds of delicious pineapple. Guess what my mid-afternoon snack tomorrow through Friday will be.
Since we don't have tons of storage space in our apartment, it's probably a tossup whether the annual membership fee is a great investment. The 30-pack of paper towels might save us lots of dough, but unless we start crating stuff on our porch, that's probably a little too much Bounty for the humble abode. But if my math is even close to correct, we should be able to make it worthwhile with what we save on gas (almost 25 cents per gallon cheaper at Costco right now, I think) and cat litter alone.
2) Speaking of cats, we took two of our three to the vet for vaccines and checkups Saturday. Is it just Sampson and Brearley or do all cats really freakin' hate getting into their carrying cases? I don't think they even care how deeeee-luxe these bags are - they want no part of it.
Unfortunately, we had to bring Brearley back to the vet this morning for a dental cleaning, which is kind of a production for kitties. So we weren't in the greatest mood while dropping her off and then the receptionist makes it worse by continually referring to our cat as "it," as in "Has it been to our office before?"
I'm no expert on animal hospital management, but I'd hazard a guess that one of the first rules they teach you in vet receptionist school is referring to the animals as "he" or "she." Maybe because pet people want vets and their employees to not make it seem as though they're taking care of inanimate objects.
3) In what must be a sign that I'm now a full-fledged resident of Greater Hollywood, while I was sleeping last night I dreamed up approximately half of an episode of Entourage. It wasn't the most original storyline - I think E cheated on his girlfriend but got caught - but the dialogue was pretty snappy. Maybe there’s something in the air (smog?) that makes people think teleplays.
4) So, you knew I'd get to t-shirt news at some point, right? Oh calm down. I'm not even talking about what's new at S and J Market.
No, I wanted to show you what arrived via UPS this morning. My very own
I ordered it a month ago, just minutes after the Palin-Biden debate, as my own mini protest against criminally inept vice presidential candidates. I guess lots of other people had the same idea because the shirt was backordered. But I think I'll wear it tonight when I get home and certainly tomorrow while we watch election coverage.
5) OK, never mind that stuff I wrote before about not boring you with more news from S and J Market. How could I let you go through the rest of your day without seeing our latest new design? Answer: I couldn't.
There's a suburb south of Chicago called Flossmoor. When I lived in the Big Windy, any time someone mentioned the place, I'd tell them I had a brilliant, t-shirt-worthy slogan that the town should use to drum up... I don't know, tourism? The point is: Until this weekend, that brilliant idea was just a t-shirt-worthy slogan. Now, it's actually on a t-shirt.
See for yourself:
Catchy, no? (Weird picture, though. I'm still trying to figure out what happened to this dude's head.) And it's printed on a high-quality American Apparel shirt - perfect for holiday giving! (On sale through tomorrow!)
October 23, 2008
Madam President
Put your hands together for Tessa, who is too busy to read the SFTC, but who indirectly brought this slightly partisan but highly funny page to my attention.
You'll need audio - and, probably, residence in a blue state - for the full effect.
Warning: If you are a big animal lover, you might not want to click on the Oval Office door too many times. (Although the visuals supposedly will change every day, so if you're reading this after Oct. 23, that might not make sense. In which case, never mind.)
You'll need audio - and, probably, residence in a blue state - for the full effect.
Warning: If you are a big animal lover, you might not want to click on the Oval Office door too many times. (Although the visuals supposedly will change every day, so if you're reading this after Oct. 23, that might not make sense. In which case, never mind.)
October 10, 2008
Wow! I thought Test Person lived in Chicago
For months, I've been very impressed with Obama's strategy of making small-time donors feel like they "own" a piece of his campaign. It's a great idea and the marketing to support it has been extraordinarily well-executed.
Apparently, the strategy has made some other fans. Guys like Test Person, a native of "Some Place, Utah." And someone named Jgtj Jfggjjfgj, who's from... well, from this article, I'm not quite sure where Jgtj is from. However, I have a hunch his close friends call him J.J.
Now, I know the McPlain camp is going to cry foul, and say that Obama is taking money in excess of federal campaign contribution limits from millionaires who are taking the time to come up with incredibly deceptive pseudonyms and then going to the trouble to get online and donate $7 here and $10 there.
But I don't think that's the case.
I think people are remembering the day when Obama was first introduced to most of the nation - his speech at the Democratic convention in Boston four years ago - and he referred to himself as "a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too." I think other skinny kids with funny names - names like Test and Jgtj - feel like this campaign is also their campaign. That America has a place for them, too.
So I think the Repubs will probably get over it. I mean, those people could be real. It's not like their names are Track or Trig or something.
Oh, and also: James Franco's face is nearly perfect.
Apparently, the strategy has made some other fans. Guys like Test Person, a native of "Some Place, Utah." And someone named Jgtj Jfggjjfgj, who's from... well, from this article, I'm not quite sure where Jgtj is from. However, I have a hunch his close friends call him J.J.
Now, I know the McPlain camp is going to cry foul, and say that Obama is taking money in excess of federal campaign contribution limits from millionaires who are taking the time to come up with incredibly deceptive pseudonyms and then going to the trouble to get online and donate $7 here and $10 there.
But I don't think that's the case.
I think people are remembering the day when Obama was first introduced to most of the nation - his speech at the Democratic convention in Boston four years ago - and he referred to himself as "a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too." I think other skinny kids with funny names - names like Test and Jgtj - feel like this campaign is also their campaign. That America has a place for them, too.
So I think the Repubs will probably get over it. I mean, those people could be real. It's not like their names are Track or Trig or something.
Oh, and also: James Franco's face is nearly perfect.
October 4, 2008
Debate 3
As a rule, I'm not doing posts that merely send you to other blogs. But I'm making an exception in this case because I make the rules here, punk.
Do yourself a favor and check out Ph33r and Loathing's Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart. (The graphic is at the bottom of his Oct. 2 "Moosehunter" post.) It's a little slice of brilliance. Big thanks to GlutenGirl in the D.C. for sending it to me.
Seriously, go look at it. Why? Because she can't name a newspaper or magazine. That's why. (Just in case the flow chart is unclear, here's a full-size version.)
OK, I'm done with posts related to the VP debate. For today, anyway.
Do yourself a favor and check out Ph33r and Loathing's Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart. (The graphic is at the bottom of his Oct. 2 "Moosehunter" post.) It's a little slice of brilliance. Big thanks to GlutenGirl in the D.C. for sending it to me.
Seriously, go look at it. Why? Because she can't name a newspaper or magazine. That's why. (Just in case the flow chart is unclear, here's a full-size version.)
OK, I'm done with posts related to the VP debate. For today, anyway.
October 3, 2008
Debate 2
I feel bad writing this because I don't want to offend the good men and women who provide in-flight service on our nation's passenger planes.
But while watching Ms. Palin last night, I kept thinking that flight attendant would be a good next job for her.
Also, anyone else enjoy hearing her relay that McCain's world view "says that America is a nation of exceptionalism"? Really, exceptionalism? Well, I guess that was better than her "shout-out" to Gladys Wood Elementary School, establishing a new high watermark for the use of hip street lingo during a nationally televised political debate. (Full transcript here.) Oh, Dan Quayle, how I miss your command of the English language.
But while watching Ms. Palin last night, I kept thinking that flight attendant would be a good next job for her.
Also, anyone else enjoy hearing her relay that McCain's world view "says that America is a nation of exceptionalism"? Really, exceptionalism? Well, I guess that was better than her "shout-out" to Gladys Wood Elementary School, establishing a new high watermark for the use of hip street lingo during a nationally televised political debate. (Full transcript here.) Oh, Dan Quayle, how I miss your command of the English language.
September 23, 2008
Frickin' laser beams
My beautiful wife has been saying since the beginning of primary season that the good senator from Arizona reminds her a lot - and by a lot, I mean "can't look at him without putting a pinky to the corner of your lips" - of famed Austin Powers antagonist Dr. Evil.
Say what you will, but the comparison proved particularly perceptive (shout out for alliteration) during McCain's acceptance speech in St. Paul a few weeks ago. If you were watching, you noticed him force a big, craptastic grin - almost painfully, it seemed - following most of his little zinger-ettes. Looked to me like the last piece of advice his handlers gave him after the speech was to smile a lot, and whenever those orders flashed through his brain, he methodically did just that.
All of which is sort of old news by now, but I'm mentioning it anyway because I came across this very closely related story on The Onion's web site. I think you'll enjoy it.
Oh, by the way, I found the Onion article thanks to a link from what I assume was a non-satirical article about Cindy McCain's past drug use (completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but kind of a fun read) on the Washington Post's site. Although the link was clearly under a heading that indicated "From Our Partner," with an Onion logo, this seems a little concerning. As if we needed more evidence of media synergy gone stupidly awry.
A friend recently told me that the Post was an excellent, serious newspaper, but if its web site is providing links to related "news coverage" on the Onion, then, uh, nah.
ANOTHER SFTC CONTEST: Free iTunes song of your choice to the person who comments first with the correct explanation for the headline of this post. Judge's decisions are final and all that.
Say what you will, but the comparison proved particularly perceptive (shout out for alliteration) during McCain's acceptance speech in St. Paul a few weeks ago. If you were watching, you noticed him force a big, craptastic grin - almost painfully, it seemed - following most of his little zinger-ettes. Looked to me like the last piece of advice his handlers gave him after the speech was to smile a lot, and whenever those orders flashed through his brain, he methodically did just that.
All of which is sort of old news by now, but I'm mentioning it anyway because I came across this very closely related story on The Onion's web site. I think you'll enjoy it.
Oh, by the way, I found the Onion article thanks to a link from what I assume was a non-satirical article about Cindy McCain's past drug use (completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but kind of a fun read) on the Washington Post's site. Although the link was clearly under a heading that indicated "From Our Partner," with an Onion logo, this seems a little concerning. As if we needed more evidence of media synergy gone stupidly awry.
A friend recently told me that the Post was an excellent, serious newspaper, but if its web site is providing links to related "news coverage" on the Onion, then, uh, nah.
ANOTHER SFTC CONTEST: Free iTunes song of your choice to the person who comments first with the correct explanation for the headline of this post. Judge's decisions are final and all that.
September 17, 2008
Is that some kind of caribou joke?
Cindy McCain, I'm a little worried about you.
This is a colorful quote and all (and, I guess, a good post-hunting reference), but there are still six weeks left to go until election day, and your nerves are apparently shot after spending a few minutes on the couch answering extremely predictable questions from the mostly non-journalists on The View (Ahhhh. I'm mentioning ... The View ... on my blog). That was supposed to be the easy part.
Are you going to be OK for the rest of this campaign thingy?
(Thanks for the graphic, Time.com)
Palin drones
So many columns and op eds slamming Sarah Palin each day - let alone the straight-news coverage that keeps uncovering her ignorance/inexperience/vacuousness/right-wingnitude - that my new pasttime is picking one each day that paints the scariest picture of potential President Palin.
It would be too easy to keep putting up new links to my favorite stories about the governor of that Russia-adjacent state, so I'm going to try not to make a habit of it unless I see something really fascinating. It'd just be redundant, I think, like shooting caribou in a barrel.
That said, I sure enjoyed the latest piece by the marvelous Maureen Dowd (so, so good), and most particularly her assertion about McCain's plan to introduce his VP hopeful to heads of state at the UN: "You can’t contract foreign policy experience like a rhinovirus." I'll let Ms. Dowd tell you the rest.
It would be too easy to keep putting up new links to my favorite stories about the governor of that Russia-adjacent state, so I'm going to try not to make a habit of it unless I see something really fascinating. It'd just be redundant, I think, like shooting caribou in a barrel.
That said, I sure enjoyed the latest piece by the marvelous Maureen Dowd (so, so good), and most particularly her assertion about McCain's plan to introduce his VP hopeful to heads of state at the UN: "You can’t contract foreign policy experience like a rhinovirus." I'll let Ms. Dowd tell you the rest.
September 15, 2008
Girls who wear glasses
I stayed up late on Saturday to catch SNL, really only because Michael Phelps was hosting. And it was a poor decision, because aside from the intro skit, I laughed approximately none times. But that first skit was pretty excellent, with Tina Fey doing a stellar job as Sarah Palin.
Doing a less stellar job as Sarah Palin? That'd be one Sarah Palin, according to this piece from the exceedingly fair and balanced New York Times. (Worth clicking through to the article, if only to see the photo on page one of the story: Damn, wish my mayor and city council wore matching denim outfits for class photos!)
The story also makes clear that, despite what you might have heard, Alaskans can have a finely tuned sense of humor. To wit, the Times brings us this highly incriminating story about the governor: "And [Palin] used city money to buy a white Suburban for the mayor’s use — employees sarcastically called it the mayor-mobile."
Wow. How did she withstand that blistering sarcasm?
Doing a less stellar job as Sarah Palin? That'd be one Sarah Palin, according to this piece from the exceedingly fair and balanced New York Times. (Worth clicking through to the article, if only to see the photo on page one of the story: Damn, wish my mayor and city council wore matching denim outfits for class photos!)
The story also makes clear that, despite what you might have heard, Alaskans can have a finely tuned sense of humor. To wit, the Times brings us this highly incriminating story about the governor: "And [Palin] used city money to buy a white Suburban for the mayor’s use — employees sarcastically called it the mayor-mobile."
Wow. How did she withstand that blistering sarcasm?
September 12, 2008
So, that's a thumbs down, I take it?
A ride on the escalator for my pal Julie, who forwarded the link to Roger Ebert's assessment of your Republican VP nominee. Pretty right-on, I think.
My dad recently mentioned to me that he thought it would be nice if there weren't so many people - indeed this segment of our population seems to be massive, rapidly growing and, seemingly, mostly right-wing - who consider attributes like "intelligent" and "well-educated" as character flaws to be mocked. My dad, incidentally, also once mentioned me that you really don't need that much shaving cream per shave - a little squirt is usually enough.
Anyway, I guess Republican brass deserves credit for figuring out the best way to appeal to the most voters - accentuating their candidates' native averageness. It's like we're watching the Republic turn into an Idiocracy right before our very eyes. As for me, intellectual curiosity is like a quality I'd like a president or vice president to have. That, a natty hairdo and a snappy wardrobe.
My dad recently mentioned to me that he thought it would be nice if there weren't so many people - indeed this segment of our population seems to be massive, rapidly growing and, seemingly, mostly right-wing - who consider attributes like "intelligent" and "well-educated" as character flaws to be mocked. My dad, incidentally, also once mentioned me that you really don't need that much shaving cream per shave - a little squirt is usually enough.
Anyway, I guess Republican brass deserves credit for figuring out the best way to appeal to the most voters - accentuating their candidates' native averageness. It's like we're watching the Republic turn into an Idiocracy right before our very eyes. As for me, intellectual curiosity is like a quality I'd like a president or vice president to have. That, a natty hairdo and a snappy wardrobe.
September 10, 2008
Lipsticks and stones
While McCain and Obama continue making cute little TV ads and sniping at each other about veiled putdowns involving lip gloss and canines ... actually, come with me on a tangent before I finish that thought:
Are these people freaking serious? Obama uses a hackneyed old cliche about putting lipstick on a pig - not really eloquent, but an apropos way of comparing the 2008 Republican platform to the 2004 and 2000 editions - and John McCain and Sarah Palin think that just because she made a joke during her speech using one of the same words (for those of you just joining us, that word was lipstick) that Obama is calling Palin a hog? Uh, what? Is it that Palin thinks she now owns the copyright on all verbal references to animals wearing makeup? Maybe it's just that McPlain hasn't heard the expression before - this seems likely - they're like that dumb kid who's the target of a well-crafted putdown but can't figure out what the insult means. And of course all of the mouth-breathers are all riled up about elitist Barack making fun of people who are as stupid as livestock.
(Breath.)
... OK, back to the main point. With all of that nonsense going on, and millions of dollars being spent/wasted to influence voters, there's one thing I don't really get about the presidential campaign: How is it that there are voters who haven't yet made up their minds? What are they waiting to find out at this point? (We already know McCain's position on Katrina, for example.) This isn't standing in line at Baskin Robbins and mulling the choice between chocolate marshmallow and rocky road. More like deciding between stewed squash and baked Alaska.
Which reminds me (another aside): Shout out to my aunt Nancy, who had a dinner party the other night and - I think I heard this correctly - served Klondike bars and baked Alaska for dessert, as a mock tribute to Palin. No word on how the caribou main course went over. Just kidding.
Anyway, I trust you've pretty much made up your mind by now. You're pretty damn smart. Which is why I think you'll get a kick out of this Daily Show segment. It's from last week, but I think it holds up just fine, even after five long days. The whole thing's about 8 minutes, so if you have to choose a clip, scroll ahead to the 4:18 mark and watch the next 100 seconds. You can do it. You've got 100 seconds to spare for this. You're welcome.
Are these people freaking serious? Obama uses a hackneyed old cliche about putting lipstick on a pig - not really eloquent, but an apropos way of comparing the 2008 Republican platform to the 2004 and 2000 editions - and John McCain and Sarah Palin think that just because she made a joke during her speech using one of the same words (for those of you just joining us, that word was lipstick) that Obama is calling Palin a hog? Uh, what? Is it that Palin thinks she now owns the copyright on all verbal references to animals wearing makeup? Maybe it's just that McPlain hasn't heard the expression before - this seems likely - they're like that dumb kid who's the target of a well-crafted putdown but can't figure out what the insult means. And of course all of the mouth-breathers are all riled up about elitist Barack making fun of people who are as stupid as livestock.
(Breath.)
... OK, back to the main point. With all of that nonsense going on, and millions of dollars being spent/wasted to influence voters, there's one thing I don't really get about the presidential campaign: How is it that there are voters who haven't yet made up their minds? What are they waiting to find out at this point? (We already know McCain's position on Katrina, for example.) This isn't standing in line at Baskin Robbins and mulling the choice between chocolate marshmallow and rocky road. More like deciding between stewed squash and baked Alaska.
Which reminds me (another aside): Shout out to my aunt Nancy, who had a dinner party the other night and - I think I heard this correctly - served Klondike bars and baked Alaska for dessert, as a mock tribute to Palin. No word on how the caribou main course went over. Just kidding.
Anyway, I trust you've pretty much made up your mind by now. You're pretty damn smart. Which is why I think you'll get a kick out of this Daily Show segment. It's from last week, but I think it holds up just fine, even after five long days. The whole thing's about 8 minutes, so if you have to choose a clip, scroll ahead to the 4:18 mark and watch the next 100 seconds. You can do it. You've got 100 seconds to spare for this. You're welcome.
September 9, 2008
Taxicab confession
One clear lesson that I'll take away from this weekend's travels is that big-city cab drivers hate Barack Obama. I don't want to overgeneralize, but now that I've experienced their clear-eyed arguments in two separate instances, I feel I can mark it down.
In February in Chicago, the dude behind the wheel was ranting about his intimate, personal third-hand knowledge of Obama's use of crack and interest in gay sex. (For proof, he directed us to a YouTube video of some mouth-breather talking about the times he used crack and had gay sex with the senator.)
Last night after our flight back to the left coast, we were treated to some equally well thought-out rhetoric about why nobody in their right mind would vote for Obama. The only good news about the trip was that we live five miles from the airport - so it was a mercifully short drive - and that I had exact change, so we got out of there without having to give the guy a tip. (And I always tip cab drivers - once I even tipped a guy after he picked us up, had to detour to get gas while we waited in the cab, left the meter running anyway, and then had to drop us off at a subway because the traffic was so bad.)
If I understood him correctly, the primary reasons for our driver's virulent anti-Obamaness were that (1) the driver's sister lives in Canada, where she pays 40 percent income tax, (2) Bill Clinton frequently had sex with interns while the terrorists were plotting the 9-11 attacks and (3) "hundreds of thousands" of Muslims live in the U.S. All of which was pretty convincing until the guy started swearing at us.
I generally don't like talking politics even with people I know, let alone borderline insane strangers. So when Obamahater started asking us questions about the election, that little voice was telling me: "Ignore. Tune out. Don't listen. Don't engage. Don't..." But I had just finished reading David Sedaris' "When You Are Engulfed in Flames," which includes a short story about a taxi ride during which Sedaris bitched out the cab driver for his making homophobic comments and bragging about his own, very hetero, sexual conquests. Afterwards, Sedaris wrote, he felt bad about yelling at the guy. So that was stuck in my head - I figured I'd learn from Sedaris' experience. But last night, ignoring the guy definitely would have been the way to go.
(By the way, "When You Are Engulfed" was a riot - many laughs per page. And maybe better to read in the privacy of your own home; apparently, I drew a few stares on the airplane because I was laughing so loud.)
Aside from the taxi politics, the other important knowledge I picked up - and this was thanks, indirectly, to a crossword puzzle in the latest Southwest Airlines in-flight magazine - was this: Tulsa is "a slut" backwards. If I lived there, that would really really bother me. Anyway, if that's not t-shirt worthy...
In February in Chicago, the dude behind the wheel was ranting about his intimate, personal third-hand knowledge of Obama's use of crack and interest in gay sex. (For proof, he directed us to a YouTube video of some mouth-breather talking about the times he used crack and had gay sex with the senator.)
Last night after our flight back to the left coast, we were treated to some equally well thought-out rhetoric about why nobody in their right mind would vote for Obama. The only good news about the trip was that we live five miles from the airport - so it was a mercifully short drive - and that I had exact change, so we got out of there without having to give the guy a tip. (And I always tip cab drivers - once I even tipped a guy after he picked us up, had to detour to get gas while we waited in the cab, left the meter running anyway, and then had to drop us off at a subway because the traffic was so bad.)
If I understood him correctly, the primary reasons for our driver's virulent anti-Obamaness were that (1) the driver's sister lives in Canada, where she pays 40 percent income tax, (2) Bill Clinton frequently had sex with interns while the terrorists were plotting the 9-11 attacks and (3) "hundreds of thousands" of Muslims live in the U.S. All of which was pretty convincing until the guy started swearing at us.
I generally don't like talking politics even with people I know, let alone borderline insane strangers. So when Obamahater started asking us questions about the election, that little voice was telling me: "Ignore. Tune out. Don't listen. Don't engage. Don't..." But I had just finished reading David Sedaris' "When You Are Engulfed in Flames," which includes a short story about a taxi ride during which Sedaris bitched out the cab driver for his making homophobic comments and bragging about his own, very hetero, sexual conquests. Afterwards, Sedaris wrote, he felt bad about yelling at the guy. So that was stuck in my head - I figured I'd learn from Sedaris' experience. But last night, ignoring the guy definitely would have been the way to go.
(By the way, "When You Are Engulfed" was a riot - many laughs per page. And maybe better to read in the privacy of your own home; apparently, I drew a few stares on the airplane because I was laughing so loud.)
Aside from the taxi politics, the other important knowledge I picked up - and this was thanks, indirectly, to a crossword puzzle in the latest Southwest Airlines in-flight magazine - was this: Tulsa is "a slut" backwards. If I lived there, that would really really bother me. Anyway, if that's not t-shirt worthy...
August 29, 2008
I feel your Palin
Frankly, not sure I have anything to say about today's Election 08 topic du jour that you haven't thought for yourself. But for starters: WTF?
First two thoughts that came to mind:
1) Is this the kind of thing that's going to seal the deal for the Hillary's-women-supporters-who-were-considering-McCain-out-of-spite voting bloc to actually go Republican in November? Sure seems like that's what good-time Johnny was thinking. Either that, or he can check off "Lock up up Alaska's hotly contested three electoral votes" on his Road to the White House checklist.
2) I'm sure Sarah Palin is impressive in her own right and all, but I just circled October 2 on my imaginary calendar. (I guess it was also an imaginary circle.) Biden, who's been in the Senate for 36 years, versus Palin, who for the last 36 years has been... hm... older than 8 years old, I guess. It oughta be a barn-burner on the order of, hmm... well, sorta like this.
First two thoughts that came to mind:
1) Is this the kind of thing that's going to seal the deal for the Hillary's-women-supporters-who-were-considering-McCain-out-of-spite voting bloc to actually go Republican in November? Sure seems like that's what good-time Johnny was thinking. Either that, or he can check off "Lock up up Alaska's hotly contested three electoral votes" on his Road to the White House checklist.
2) I'm sure Sarah Palin is impressive in her own right and all, but I just circled October 2 on my imaginary calendar. (I guess it was also an imaginary circle.) Biden, who's been in the Senate for 36 years, versus Palin, who for the last 36 years has been... hm... older than 8 years old, I guess. It oughta be a barn-burner on the order of, hmm... well, sorta like this.
August 27, 2008
Here I stand / head in hand
I've had about an assful of people who are Hillary supporters who say they're going to vote for McCain out of spite. If they legitimately think McCain is a better choice than Obama, fine. To each her own. But it's like they think they're in a reality TV show, and this is their chance to reward Spencer for breaking up with Heidi even though they hate Spencer. I don't even know who those people are, but ... aggghhh ... the point is that these misguided morons seem to be forgetting that they're choosing the person who's going to lead the country for the next four years, but they're content to get their jollies playing mind games with people they don't actually know.
But let's move on. Two other quick thoughts on political stuff:
1) Besides those McCain spite-voters, does anyone have a weaker grasp of reality right now than Kwame Kilpatrick? There's no way this guy can keep his job as mayor of Rock City (and if I ever held that job, you can be sure that's what my business card would say), but he keeps dragging out his long farewell, and every new chapter in this weird saga has to be like a bad dream for everyone in Detroit and, well, just everyone.
It seems like one of those strange episodes people will look back on in 10 years and think to themselves, "Christ, that really happened?"
(Similar situation: Is it actually possible that voters in our nation's capital intentionally re-elected a mayor who had recently been convicted for doing cocaine with underage girls?)
At this point, I'd bet the average Michigander (I once met him, by the way - nice guy) doesn't even remember what the hell Kilpatrick did to get in trouble in the first place. But ol' Kwame has certainly made an ass of himself in just about every way possible since then.
2) I thought Hillary did a nice job with her speech at the DNC last night. I even thought her "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits" line was a cute touch - poking fun at herself with a 2008 pop-culture reference - even though it made my beautiful wife groan.
But there was one line that left me a little confused. While she was talking about the regular/sick/uninsured folks she met along the campaign trail (or, maybe, didn't actually meet, but who's counting?), Hillary described the coulda-been-touching story about meeting a woman with cancer.
And I quote: "I will always remember the single mom who had adopted two kids with autism, didn't have health insurance and discovered she had cancer. But she greeted me with her bald head painted with my name on it and asked me to fight for health care."
And I wonder: Why did this woman greet a presidential candidate with her head, instead of just shaking her hand like everyone else would?
But let's move on. Two other quick thoughts on political stuff:
1) Besides those McCain spite-voters, does anyone have a weaker grasp of reality right now than Kwame Kilpatrick? There's no way this guy can keep his job as mayor of Rock City (and if I ever held that job, you can be sure that's what my business card would say), but he keeps dragging out his long farewell, and every new chapter in this weird saga has to be like a bad dream for everyone in Detroit and, well, just everyone.
It seems like one of those strange episodes people will look back on in 10 years and think to themselves, "Christ, that really happened?"
(Similar situation: Is it actually possible that voters in our nation's capital intentionally re-elected a mayor who had recently been convicted for doing cocaine with underage girls?)
At this point, I'd bet the average Michigander (I once met him, by the way - nice guy) doesn't even remember what the hell Kilpatrick did to get in trouble in the first place. But ol' Kwame has certainly made an ass of himself in just about every way possible since then.
2) I thought Hillary did a nice job with her speech at the DNC last night. I even thought her "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits" line was a cute touch - poking fun at herself with a 2008 pop-culture reference - even though it made my beautiful wife groan.
But there was one line that left me a little confused. While she was talking about the regular/sick/uninsured folks she met along the campaign trail (or, maybe, didn't actually meet, but who's counting?), Hillary described the coulda-been-touching story about meeting a woman with cancer.
And I quote: "I will always remember the single mom who had adopted two kids with autism, didn't have health insurance and discovered she had cancer. But she greeted me with her bald head painted with my name on it and asked me to fight for health care."
And I wonder: Why did this woman greet a presidential candidate with her head, instead of just shaking her hand like everyone else would?
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