Why I'm glad my last name isn't Dolphiner or Patrioter

Because, for one thing, both of those are pretty wacked-out* last names.

For another, if one of those were my last name - and then I became mayor of a city with a team in the NFL's American Football Conference, which, let's face it, is a very real possibility - then I might have to pull a stunt like this.

Which is pretty stupid. But on the other hand, how could any self-respecting politician pass up an opportunity like that?

* One of my Aunt Karen's favorite expressions. It's her birthday today. So I mentioned her on SFTC instead of sending a present. I know, I'm all heart.