Riding high

When the only time people pay attention to your sporting event is to read about which athlete -- or, now, which team -- dropped out because of drug test results, you're probably doing something wrong.

So, what, exactly is the Tour de Lance doing wrong? In my opinion, it's that they've banned performance-enhancing drugs.

At this point, they should really consider dropping any pretense of being drug-free and just allowing riders to take whatever substances they want. May the best man+steroid+blood thinner win. I'm a huge sports fan, and I think completing the Tour has to be one of the most incredible athletic feats. But unless there's an American in the top spot, I've never given a crap about the race. Make it more interesting - let 'em get geeked up and let's see some records fall.

(The first story I read about this today was an AP piece on Yahoo Sports, but the article was so poorly written as to be unintelligible. Maybe those wire reporters need performance-enhancing drugs. Like something that helps with punctuation and reliance on cliches.)

Anyway, every time the topic of steroids in sports comes up lately, I'm reminded of a late-'80s Saturday Night Live sketch in which Kevin Nealon is covering the action at the All-Drug Olympics. (It's short -- just watch it.) Favorite part is when he describes the list of pharmaceuticals that Sergei Akmudov (played by Phil Hartman) has taken prior to the competition.