March 10, 2008

Man, I am SO tanked!

Say what you will about all of W.'s malapropisms during his seven-year reign of stupid, but at least he generally sounded... sober.

Now, when you hear the crap come out of his mouth, don't you get the impression our prez is like the guy at the party who's had three extra Milwaukee's Bests and stayed about two hours too long?

There was the time in September when he was in Australia --that's the big island with the kangaroos and stuff -- speaking at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation -- that's APEC. A-P-E-C -- and referred to the event as "OPEC." And then topped that by telling everyone how nice the "Austrian" people had been during his trip.

But I swear it's gotten sillier.

Last week -- and this is very timely, since the World Series was four months ago -- he honored members of the world champion Boston Red Sox at the White House. If you'd like to be wowed and amazed by his verbal strategery, the transcript of the whole hellacious speech is here.

Among his gems was his shout-out for the Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka, who is from Japan and therefore handles his interviews through translators (something the president probably should have considered about seven years ago). And W said: "Red Sox Nation extends beyond the South Lawn, extends beyond New England -- it obviously goes to the Caribbean and even the Far East. So we welcome Japan's Daisuke here to the South Lawn. His press corps is bigger than mine. And we both have trouble answering questions in English. "


Of course you grew up in the United States, where English is taught in many schools, before going to Yale, where -- I'm told -- most classes are taught in English. And Matsuzaka is, well, a baseball player who, until last year... how do I put this?... lived in Japan.

The drunk-dude patois continued when he alluded to slugger Manny Ramirez, who quite sensibly, I think, decided to skip the ceremony. Quick backstory for you: Ramirez had also ditched the White House ceremony after the Sox' victory in 2005; his excuse then was that had to visit his sick grandmother. So W offered this: "I'm sorry... Manny Ramirez isn't here. I guess his grandmother died again. Just kidding. Tell Manny I didn't mean it."

Ah, the dead grandmother jokes. Nice.

Incredibly, White House staff left the microphone turned on for the rest of the ceremony. No mention in the transcript of whether his next words were, "I just love you, Manny. Don't hate me. Wow, I am really lit! Manny, you're my bud!"


JBhumitra said...

i think "malapropisms" might be a GRE word. So far my favorite GRE word is "sinecure."

also, I think the phrase "seven-year reign of stupid" is brilliant. it can be the name of his biopic. you better copyright that.

and dead grandmother jokes?! ha! i bet his communications staff was cringing.

finally, doesnt the prez have more pressing things to do than have baseball ceremonies? obama/clinton better not be hosting baseball ceremonies, at least not until the war is over or we have universal healthcare. now a dog show, if they wanted to participate in a dog show, that would be different. that's IMPORTANT.

Loree said...

Ha. I read about the Manny Ramirez comment. Classy.

Anonymous said...

i don't know what malapropisms OR sinecure mean. that's too bad.
this is one of your funniest yet.
if i knew what 1/2 the words in your blog meant, it might even be funnier!!!

Your escalator operator said...

Actually, I do like that the president welcomes the World Series champs -- that's a decent tradition -- but that's just the tip of the iceberg. He has photo ops at the White Hosue with college teams that win every sport's national championship, which is where it gets to be a bit much.

To "anonymous" (aka Beth!!): I had to look up sinecure also, but I'm glad I did. I intend to work that into conversation as often as possible. So glad Jaya's studying for the GREs!