Muffin. English muffin.

You probably think that it would be borderline lunacy to pay close to $2 for an English muffin.

And you're probably correct. In which case, I admit it: I am a borderline lunatic.

But today, my friends, I'm a very happy borderline lunatic (you can just tell something's different because that "my friends" phrasing isn't really my style). Happy because Jay the UPS guy just dropped off a box containing two dozen of the tastiest English muffins I will ever eat.*

The English muffins in question are these heavenly baked creations from Wolferman's, a company that has somehow, some way, taken nooks and crannies to an entirely new level. I'm telling you: What Hot Doug's in Chicago has done for encased meats, these crazy bastards at Wolferman's have done for the English muffin. Each one is twice as thick as a "conventional" English muffin and probably ten times as tasty. I don't know which Brit came up with the original English muffin, but he could have had no idea it would lead to something so moving.

I'm just looking at the tantalizing flavors on my packing slip - pumpkin spice, apple orchard, San Francisco sourdough, chocolate freakin' chip, multigrain and honey (that's the healthy one, right?), and cinnamon and raisin - and, if I'm being honest, my mouth is watering a little bit. Oh, and I was smart enough to order a jar of triple fruit spread. No word on what the three fruits are, but I hardly think it matters. It's just icing on the cake.

So, to answer your two burning questions:
1) Is Wolferman's paying me for this enormous testimonial? Answer: No, but I'd take some more muffins if anyone from the company stumbles across this post.
2) Will it really be worth the $40 I paid? Answer: Absolutely and positively: Yes.** You can take my word for it or you can taste them for yourselves. You just can't taste mine.

* And/or share with my ravishingly beautiful wife.
** Especially because I bought them with a gift card, which sort of weakens the storyline. But, still: Worth it.