U-S-A! U-S-A!

No, that spontaneous outburst of patriotism wasn't inpsired by the start of the Beijing Olympics - the opening ceremonies have already taken place but we won't see them until tonight, bleh - but by the conviction of one of the key members of Osama bin Laden's outfit... his... wait, is this right?... his driver?

Nice score, ya' big hunky military tribunal.

I hope "driver" is like supersecret military code for "special vice president in charge of planning evildoing" because otherwise I'm sort of nonplussed by this news. According to the New York Times article, this is their first conviction in a post-9/11 war crimes trial, and it sounds like military prosecutors are breaking out the Freixenet, but, really? His driver?

My other main question here is - and you'll need to click to the story to see what I mean - when did this guy have time to go to Jostens for that snazzy studio portrait, complete with the gauzy salmon-colored backdrop? Do you think Osama hired his drivers based on their 8-by-10s? ("Nah, this one's too... I don't know, too ethnic." "Nah, crappy mustache.")

Lesson learned, though: If I'm ever a chauffeur, it's time to quit when the boss asks me to drop him off just outside his cave.

New topic: Yesterday, I promised you a review of Elegy, which we caught in a sneak preview - actually, it wasn't so sneaky: our names were on the list - a preview, one full day before it opens to you, the general public. I don't mean that condescendingly, I'm just saying.

The movie stars Ben Kingsley as a celeb-among-the-literati college professor who falls for a student - thirty-odd years his junior, as he repeatedly points out - played by Penelope Cruz. (If you're more literate than I am, you might be interested to know that it's based on a short novel by Philip Roth called The Dying Animal.)

It didn't leave me with a lot to say - or at least a lot to say that wouldn't sound pretentious, and lord, I hate prententious movie reviews by amateurs. But I found it somewhat interesting, and although it was definitely a downer, it was pretty good. It's very talk-y, but it also moves right along, and you get quality acting all around, including a great supporting part by Dennis Hopper. A 3 out of 5.

I might have to stop doing movie reviews now.