February 14, 2008

If loving you is wrong...

Thanks to the continued steroid silliness on Capitol Hill, newspapers all over the nation today have front-page photos of Roger Clemens testifying that he never used performance enhancing drugs. (Kind of looks awkward in a suit, doesn't he?)

Smart move by Roger. I mean, vehemently asserting his innocence in front of a Congressional committee and scores of cameras worked so well for Rafael Palmeiro. Oh, wait a minute.

Anyway, if you read my previous entry about this idiocy, you know my theory that Congress is wasting its time on this imbecilic quest mostly because congressmen are hoping to rub shoulders with famous athletes. (An addendum to that theory is that these legislators were student-government dorks in high school who were jealous of the star athletes and they're taking out their frustration by harassing the kinds of guys who used to beat them up.)

Call it men's intuition. (Hm. Why is it I've never heard that phrase before?) Call it common sense. Call it an excuse to write another post on an otherwise slow news day. But I dare say that coverage of yesterday's hearings proves my little hypothesis.

To wit, the honorable Elijah E. Cummings, a Maryland Democrat, said this to Clemens: “It’s hard to believe you, sir. I hate to say that. You’re one of my heroes, but it’s hard to believe you.”

Snap!

Apparently, the microphone malfunctioned after that, so most people didn't hear him say, "And, can I get your autograph? Make it out to E.E., but make sure those initials are capitalized. People always confuse me with that poet guy."

And any notion that this isn't just ridiculous political grandstanding seems further supported by the fact that reporters have observed that the committee is split along party lines -- the Republicans generally siding with the players (shocker) and the Dems choosing to believe the allegations in the Mitchell Report.

Next, maybe Congress can get to the bottom of this whole Britney mess. Far-fetched? I don't think so.

1 comment:

bugs said...

you're such a smart, witty guy. love reading these! clemens did look TOTALLY uncomfortable in a suit, but that's probably because he was lying and sweating profusely in the wool ensemble.