I'd spend the first mil on a Bugatti Veyron, just because it goes from 0 to 60 in 2.46 seconds and because, let's face it, I'm not going to have an extra $601 million any time soon.
But, again, if... I'd spend the rest on this magic $600 million traffic system that UPS uses to plan delivery routes for its truck drivers. You can get the full details on the L.A. Times' site (holla for the L.A.!) but here are the key goodies: "To design the most efficient routes, the computer program avoids hills, dead-end streets and railroad tracks. It weeds out busy thoroughfares and streets with many signals. [The user feeds the info] into a hand-held computer [which maps a route, including] where to park and the most convenient entrances to buildings."
The article also says UPS plans routes so drivers can avoid left turns. Brill-freaking-iant. (Sorry, that doesn't really work, does it?)
A frivolous purchase? Not if I need open roads for driving my Veyron.
P.S. I bet UPS is pleased with the coverage, but maybe not so happy that the photo accompanying the story on the Times web site is of a bus that crashed into a Dunkin' Donuts.