I'm no aquarium architect, but I've gotta assume one of the first things you learn in aquarium architecture school is: Design the tanks so that the seafood... er, I mean, fish... can't open them.
If you're designing fish tanks for a living and you're getting outsmarted by an octopus - as happened this week at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium - it just might be time to find a different line of work. One other thought: It sure was nice of the AP reporter to refer to the mollusk as a "trickster" - you know, instead of referring to the tank designer as a "dumbass."
February 27, 2009
February 26, 2009
CCL
Forgive the self-congratulatory nature of what you're about to read. But as I've written before, it's my blog, so pthththth.
Just wanted to let it be known, in case you're not keeping track, that this little slice of brilliance that I posted yesterday was my 250th post. I think at least six of them have been worth reading, but either way, 250 is a pretty impressive tally, if you ask me. (Or, in this case, if I ask me.)
I'm surprised I've stuck with it this long.
I'm probably forcing a connection here, but the element of surprise reminds me of the funniest thing a waiter said to me last year. (Ten points if you saw that segue coming.) My talented and beautiful wife and I were eating dinner at one of those places that's a half-decent-cafe-inside-a-swanky-movie-theater.
Part way through the meal, our server comes over to ask how we're enjoying the food.
Me: "It's really great!"
Waiter: "Wow! I'm as surprised as you are."
Exeunt
Just wanted to let it be known, in case you're not keeping track, that this little slice of brilliance that I posted yesterday was my 250th post. I think at least six of them have been worth reading, but either way, 250 is a pretty impressive tally, if you ask me. (Or, in this case, if I ask me.)
I'm surprised I've stuck with it this long.
I'm probably forcing a connection here, but the element of surprise reminds me of the funniest thing a waiter said to me last year. (Ten points if you saw that segue coming.) My talented and beautiful wife and I were eating dinner at one of those places that's a half-decent-cafe-inside-a-swanky-movie-theater.
Part way through the meal, our server comes over to ask how we're enjoying the food.
Me: "It's really great!"
Waiter: "Wow! I'm as surprised as you are."
Exeunt
This doesn't change Jon Kyl possibly being a moron
Courtesy of the ultrawonderful GlutenGirl, there's an update on the Washington Post site on yesterday's topic du jour - the challenges facing our nation's capital in its quest to get its very own representative in Congress.
Good sign that there's some progress, today, I guess. But it seems like our brilliant Senators can't just make it easy. Unless I'm missing something, their compromise seems to boil down to this: We'll give ya' your seat in the House, but we'd also like to encourage you to buy more guns. What could possibly go wrong there?
I think you and I both know whose idea this is.*
Thanks, GG!
* I don't really know whose idea it was, but if you take it to mean that there's a chance that Arizona Senator Jon Kyl came up with this horrendous plan, who am I to tell you otherwise?
Good sign that there's some progress, today, I guess. But it seems like our brilliant Senators can't just make it easy. Unless I'm missing something, their compromise seems to boil down to this: We'll give ya' your seat in the House, but we'd also like to encourage you to buy more guns. What could possibly go wrong there?
I think you and I both know whose idea this is.*
Thanks, GG!
* I don't really know whose idea it was, but if you take it to mean that there's a chance that Arizona Senator Jon Kyl came up with this horrendous plan, who am I to tell you otherwise?
February 25, 2009
Jon Kyl might be a moron
The last time the junior senator from Arizona was mentioned on SFTC, it was for being one of the dolts who appeared live on TV from the Republican National Convention, unable to pronounce the word pundit properly.
This time, Jon Kyl rates a post because he's one of the federal legislators bold enough to explain why residents of Washington, D.C., still don't have a representative in Congress. Which is strange, because I'm pretty sure those people live in the United States. Washington is part of the U.S., right?
Kyl says D.C. doesn't get a vote in the House, because, well, because of the Constitution. As he explained to the New York Times: “Only states may be represented in the House of Representatives. Not territories, not districts or other federal possessions.” (I think he also added: "Nanny-nanny boo-boo.")
Nice job reading the exact words of the document, jackass. Also, a convenient way to prevent a group of citizens - a group that, if Joe Lieberman's math is correct, is larger than the population of four states - from having a say in federal government. But who's counting?
Now, if only there were a way to, I don't know, add language to the Constitution, or make certain changes to the original document - like if we wanted to give women the right to vote, or end slavery.
I can't help but think Washingtonians are somewhat to blame. I mean, D.C. is, like, sooooo close to where all of those government buildings are. You'd think these people would bump in to a lawmaker now and then. Maybe they could bring it up in conversation.
On the other hand, I think it's kind of cool, kind of ballsy, that the District protests its lack of representation right on its license plates. Where other states have "Live free or die" or "America's dairyland" across the bottom of their plates, D.C. went with this. Very subtle.
I guess if these people really cared about being represented, they could just move a few miles into Maryland or Virginia. Or even West Virginia, which according to their license plates, is "Wild, wonderful."
This time, Jon Kyl rates a post because he's one of the federal legislators bold enough to explain why residents of Washington, D.C., still don't have a representative in Congress. Which is strange, because I'm pretty sure those people live in the United States. Washington is part of the U.S., right?
Kyl says D.C. doesn't get a vote in the House, because, well, because of the Constitution. As he explained to the New York Times: “Only states may be represented in the House of Representatives. Not territories, not districts or other federal possessions.” (I think he also added: "Nanny-nanny boo-boo.")
Nice job reading the exact words of the document, jackass. Also, a convenient way to prevent a group of citizens - a group that, if Joe Lieberman's math is correct, is larger than the population of four states - from having a say in federal government. But who's counting?
Now, if only there were a way to, I don't know, add language to the Constitution, or make certain changes to the original document - like if we wanted to give women the right to vote, or end slavery.
I can't help but think Washingtonians are somewhat to blame. I mean, D.C. is, like, sooooo close to where all of those government buildings are. You'd think these people would bump in to a lawmaker now and then. Maybe they could bring it up in conversation.
On the other hand, I think it's kind of cool, kind of ballsy, that the District protests its lack of representation right on its license plates. Where other states have "Live free or die" or "America's dairyland" across the bottom of their plates, D.C. went with this. Very subtle.
I guess if these people really cared about being represented, they could just move a few miles into Maryland or Virginia. Or even West Virginia, which according to their license plates, is "Wild, wonderful."
February 23, 2009
I think James Spader likes Andrew Bird
The musical highlight of my year, so far, was last week's Andrew Bird concert at the Orpheum Theatre in L.A.
I knew I'd like the music - I've been listening to Andrew Bird since I saw him in concert in Chicago at the famed Metro (I think) around the release of The Swimming Hour, which came out in 2001, and I'm now the proud owner of four and a half of his CDs (I used some store credits to download part of The Mysterious Production of Eggs, but never got around to buying the rest). But this show was particularly interesting because of how Bird performs his songs in concert these days. For most of them, he begins by whistling and/or playing violin solos into a microphone and recording them as samples, then playing them back later in the song as backing tracks.
I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe you had to be there - or maybe I need to work harder at writing clearly. Well, anyway, the result is pretty nice to listen to.
In the few days since the show, a few people have asked me, "What kind of music does he play?" And I haven't been able to come up with much of an answer. It's sort of pop, but with classical-inspired violin and world-class whistling, in front of electric guitars and a drum kit. Is there a genre for that? Check out his MySpace page for free samples from his new album and maybe you can come up with something.
Three other things about the concert:
1) It was one of the rare occasions in my concertgoing history that I actually enjoyed the opening act. In this case, the opening act was Loney, Dear, which sounds like the name of a band, but apparently is the stage name of a Swedish* guy (real name: Emil Svanangen), who happens to front a five-piece band. Whatever the case, the music was pretty cool. This might be completely wrong, but I thought it was sort of like Keane, but with a beat.
2) I'm pretty sure James Spader was sitting three rows in front of me. I only caught a quick glimpse, and it was dark, and I mostly could only the back of his head, but still, I'm pretty sure. James, if you're reading this and that wasn't you, I apologize. Hope to see you at another concert in the future, though.
3) Despite the fact that they spell its name with "Theatre" instead of "Theater," the Orpheum is a pretty spectacular venue. Built in 1926, it's further evidence that they really don't make 'em like they used to. This photo doesn't even really do it justice, but it's impossible to imagine anyone building a hall like the Orpheum in 2009:
If you have any excuse to go see anything there, you definitely should.
* Quite a coincidence. A few hours before I wrote this post - which is the only time I've mentioned something Swedish on my blog - SFTC registered its first-ever visitor from Sweden. Seriously, what are the odds? I hope that Swedish person comes back to read about Loney, Dear.
I knew I'd like the music - I've been listening to Andrew Bird since I saw him in concert in Chicago at the famed Metro (I think) around the release of The Swimming Hour, which came out in 2001, and I'm now the proud owner of four and a half of his CDs (I used some store credits to download part of The Mysterious Production of Eggs, but never got around to buying the rest). But this show was particularly interesting because of how Bird performs his songs in concert these days. For most of them, he begins by whistling and/or playing violin solos into a microphone and recording them as samples, then playing them back later in the song as backing tracks.
I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe you had to be there - or maybe I need to work harder at writing clearly. Well, anyway, the result is pretty nice to listen to.
In the few days since the show, a few people have asked me, "What kind of music does he play?" And I haven't been able to come up with much of an answer. It's sort of pop, but with classical-inspired violin and world-class whistling, in front of electric guitars and a drum kit. Is there a genre for that? Check out his MySpace page for free samples from his new album and maybe you can come up with something.
Three other things about the concert:
1) It was one of the rare occasions in my concertgoing history that I actually enjoyed the opening act. In this case, the opening act was Loney, Dear, which sounds like the name of a band, but apparently is the stage name of a Swedish* guy (real name: Emil Svanangen), who happens to front a five-piece band. Whatever the case, the music was pretty cool. This might be completely wrong, but I thought it was sort of like Keane, but with a beat.
2) I'm pretty sure James Spader was sitting three rows in front of me. I only caught a quick glimpse, and it was dark, and I mostly could only the back of his head, but still, I'm pretty sure. James, if you're reading this and that wasn't you, I apologize. Hope to see you at another concert in the future, though.
3) Despite the fact that they spell its name with "Theatre" instead of "Theater," the Orpheum is a pretty spectacular venue. Built in 1926, it's further evidence that they really don't make 'em like they used to. This photo doesn't even really do it justice, but it's impossible to imagine anyone building a hall like the Orpheum in 2009:
If you have any excuse to go see anything there, you definitely should.
* Quite a coincidence. A few hours before I wrote this post - which is the only time I've mentioned something Swedish on my blog - SFTC registered its first-ever visitor from Sweden. Seriously, what are the odds? I hope that Swedish person comes back to read about Loney, Dear.
February 22, 2009
In hot water
One of the few things that's even better than a nice, hot shower is a nice, hot shower after the water in your apartment complex has been turned off for the previous 36 hours. I know because I just took such a shower.
At one point during our water-free weekend, I described the situation as "possibly the worst thing in the history of the world." Was that exaggerating? Well, maybe. In any case, I don't think I was too smelly by the end of the ordeal, but I did notice Sampson the Wondercat turn up his nose as he walked by me this morning.*
Anyway, if this ever happens to you and you live near LAX, it turns out the bathrooms at the Bristol Farms grocery store in Playa Del Rey are pretty nice.
* This sentence was added for comic effect and is not technically 100 percent true.
At one point during our water-free weekend, I described the situation as "possibly the worst thing in the history of the world." Was that exaggerating? Well, maybe. In any case, I don't think I was too smelly by the end of the ordeal, but I did notice Sampson the Wondercat turn up his nose as he walked by me this morning.*
Anyway, if this ever happens to you and you live near LAX, it turns out the bathrooms at the Bristol Farms grocery store in Playa Del Rey are pretty nice.
* This sentence was added for comic effect and is not technically 100 percent true.
February 20, 2009
Not as easy as it looked
I knew it. I knew all of the hullabaloo around Roland Burris taking the available-to-the-highest-bidder Senate seat from Illinois had died down too quickly and too neatly. No way people were just going to let it be.
Thank the lord this crapfest isn't over yet. We sure do need some more asinine controversy to distract us from important things like moms who have octuplets but can't pay the rent (I know; I'm shocked about that too!) and people-mauling chimpanzees (seriously? wtf?). And Illinois could use some more negative media coverage these days. I mean, clearly, the Land of Lincoln would look awful having the only senator in the country who puts his own self-interest ahead of that of his constituency.
Back to the Burris story for a sec, though. Take a look at the third paragraph of that CNN story. Do you remember, as I do, that after 9-11, everyone - and by "everyone," I guess I mean famous people on TV - said they were going to be really thoughtful about not overusing words like hero and sacrifice? Like that if a New York Jets linebacker made a nice tackle or a movie star lost 20 pounds for a role, we wouldn't have to hear how "heroic" they were? I liked that idea. So I know a lot of time has passed since 2001, but I don't think enough time has passed that it's OK for Pat Quinn to say that Burris giving up his seat now would be "heroic."
Thank the lord this crapfest isn't over yet. We sure do need some more asinine controversy to distract us from important things like moms who have octuplets but can't pay the rent (I know; I'm shocked about that too!) and people-mauling chimpanzees (seriously? wtf?). And Illinois could use some more negative media coverage these days. I mean, clearly, the Land of Lincoln would look awful having the only senator in the country who puts his own self-interest ahead of that of his constituency.
Back to the Burris story for a sec, though. Take a look at the third paragraph of that CNN story. Do you remember, as I do, that after 9-11, everyone - and by "everyone," I guess I mean famous people on TV - said they were going to be really thoughtful about not overusing words like hero and sacrifice? Like that if a New York Jets linebacker made a nice tackle or a movie star lost 20 pounds for a role, we wouldn't have to hear how "heroic" they were? I liked that idea. So I know a lot of time has passed since 2001, but I don't think enough time has passed that it's OK for Pat Quinn to say that Burris giving up his seat now would be "heroic."
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