November 9, 2009

Uneasy lies the head

If you're thinking about auditioning for American Idol or whatever the equivalent show is in England*, I have some important advice.

If you make it to the finals, there will be physical consequences. There's indisputable proof that one of the unfortunate results of shooting to stardom on a nationally televised singing contest is that your head gets bigger. I mean, it swells to the point that your neck alone is simply unable to hold it up.

Visual evidence comes in the form of the covers of the latest CDs by two recent singing sensations. Witness:

(Susan Boyle, from whatever that British show is)

I guess the only good news is that in some cases, singers only need one hand (usually the right) to keep their heads from falling over in all of their pop-star glory.

(Adam Lambert, on a cover that could only have been designed in the early 1980s)

It even applies to the previous generation of Idols.

(Carrie Underwood, going with the palm)

Apparently, Carrie Underwood is one of the fortunate ones, able to provide adequate head support with but a single hand. I assume she had exercises - like maybe taking a Louisville Slugger to both head lights and slashing holes in in all four tires - that helped her avoid the dreaded Boyle two-handed lift.

* I think it's Ye Olde British Idole, but I'm too lazy to look it up.


bugs said...

that's the first time i heard the lyrics to that song - wow. really stupid. i like the beat. love her voice. but honestly. talking about a louisville slugger to the headlights?!

oh, and the head thing. no comment, but nice observation. and, i think (but really have no idea) that it's called "Britain's Got Talent" or something like that.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

"Look at the size of that boy's heed. I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick. Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. HEAD! MOVE!"

Your escalator operator said...

B - You may be right about the name of the show. Although I like mine better.

DGB - I knew without looking it up that was a Mike Myers quote, but I've never seen "Axe Murderer." But what's funny is that it sounds like it could have just as easily come from Shrek or Austin Powers. That guy has a lot of range.

ZenMom said...

I'm sure I had something clever to say about the original post, but now I have to go re-watch So I Married an Axe-Murderer. Apparently, I not only have ADD, I'm also very suggestible today.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Zen, you want to give Daddy Geek Boy $100 and your iPhone.

Your escalator operator said...

ZM and DGB - Excellent. Please let me know how this works out.

ZenMom said...

If you'd asked for one of my kids, DGB, that mighta worked. But, my iphone? P'shaw.

Laura said...

I totally thought Adam Lambert was Pink. I think that's a bigger problem than the weak neck issue.

Laura said...

And I mean the singer, not the color.

Luke said...

Here's more evidence of the big head theory. Lambert's dome invading the cover of Details:


Your escalator operator said...

Luke - Thanks for stopping by, and for the link! The Big Head Theory has now gone cross-platform. Very cool.