What's with all the pirates?

I don't know if people traditionally give their spouses presents for Thanksgiving, but by writing a post with the above headline, I just gave one to mine. Happy Thankgiving, my beautiful wife!

(She thought it was funny when I asked her that very question last week - although I think it was more because I was cracking myself up at the time than because of the question itself.)

If you didn't catch my earlier nonsense on Pirates Gone Wild '08, you can catch it here.

Goin' on a little tryp(tophan)

So I'm back home for Thanksgiving and I've decided that ice-cold temperatures - which, now that my blood is L.A.-thinned, seems to mean anything below 52 - aren't conducive to blogging.

Or maybe I have less time to write since each day I'm here, I eat for approximately 10 of the 16 hours I'm awake.

Other than calorie-loading and freezing my ass off, one of the interesting experiences of the journey so far was being diagnosed with "common migraines." They probably mean common in the sense that it's the same headache every other migraine sufferer gets, but it also works nicely since I get them commonly enough to be really annoying. The good doc said that I'm susceptible to headaches because I have a sensitive brain, a phrase that I repeated to my wife and parents about 1,659 times in the two hours after leaving the hospital.

Which probably gave each of them a pretty distinct headache of their own.

The doctor was fantastic - he spent tons of time with us and answered every question we could think of. But he's a headache specialist whose office is located in a pediatric clinic - i.e., lots of screaming kinds running around and screaming and running and screaming. Kind of like having a tire store located at the intersection of Pothole Blvd. and Broken Glass Way.

I may try to post again before we return to more sensible temperatures, but if not - in the spirit of the holiday - thank you again for reading, and I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving desserts as much as I'm going to enjoy mine.

Great moments in customer service: Hotels.com edition

Let's just say that the Low Price Guarantee that Hotels.com offers for reservations made through its web site isn't so much of a guarantee as, well, promotional copy that someone puts on the web site to make you think they offer a low price guarantee.

The as-short-as-I-can-make-the-story version:

• Booked hotel room for $169; reservation offered Low Price Guarantee
• A few weeks later, found same room on Hotels.com for $129
• Called company to ask for credit for the difference
• Friendly customer service rep said the guarantee didn't apply because the hotel charges a change fee (which all parties knew when I made the reservation), which nullifies the guarantee

Shockingly predictable

Two news items I saw today just knocked my socks off. I mean I was just shocked that those once-in-a-generation geniuses in charge of our awesome pickup-truck-and-SUV manufacturers would do this and not realize it might be incredibly bad p.r.

I was equally blown away that Don't-Call-Me-Pacman Jones, the NFL's version of Steve Howe - that might be a bad and/or morbid analogy, but I'm referring to Howe's repeated reinstatements, not his prodigious and ultimately fatal drug use - would be given yet another chance to suit up and play pro football.

But life is filled with surprises, ain't it?

Resuscitated

I'm just very happy because the best show on TV is back to being the best show on TV.

I continued to love my House, M.D., even through about a season and a half in the wilderness, during which the show downplayed the medical mysteries and upplayed (?) a bloated cast that took screen time away from the Foreman, Cameron and Spencer characters we had come to ... well, know and love, I guess. Even the title character seemed to lose his way. Where the House character had always been cruel but funny, he had become just cruel for a while.

With the last couple of episodes, though, the mojo is decidedly back at Princeton Plainsboro.

Last night, we got to see Cameron and Spencer talk about a case instead of just making random cameos (well, maybe they just talked about talking about a case, but it's a start), there were not one but two mysteriously ill patients to save, and while he continued to make everyone miserable, House had a few vintage one-liners. (Example: Telling a friend that he went to visit a possible love interest, but couldn't bring himself to knock on the door, House says, "I left without ringing her metaphorical or literal bell.")

Next week's new episode looks pretty spectacular, too. I know, I know, they all do in the previews. But it's an extended episode, and they're bringing out the guest-star firepower in the person of Emmy winner Zeljko Ivanek (if you've watched TV in the last 10 years, you'll recognize him even if you don't recognize his name), who is, I feel safe in saying, my favorite Slovenian-born actor of this generation.

If you haven't watched lately, you may want to catch up with some full episodes. My treat. (Well, mine and the kind folks at the Fox TV network.) Seriously. It's good stuff.

The iPatch

Have I just not been paying attention for the last few decades, or am I right that until 2008, we had mostly gone for years and years without news coverage of pirates?

For weeks, we've been reading one story after another - including today's latest - about pirates doing pirate-y things on the high seas. Aaargh! It seems totally anachronistic, doesn't it? Next thing you know, we're going to read news articles about the new age of blacksmithing. Or a return to glory for telegram operators.

I'm guessing the prevalence of pirates in pop culture has played a major role in their resurgence. So, who you think modern-day buccaneers model themselves after: this guy or this one?

When the smoke cleared...

I haven't felt very bloggy the last few days. I don't know why; maybe it was the fires. So let's start there. For those of you from the other coasts - y'know, East and, um, Midwest and Canadian - here are a few fire-related FAQs, from an extremely narrow point of view:

1) Were you anywhere near the fires? Not really.

2) Did you smell smoke? Yes, for most of Saturday, all of Sunday and Monday morning, it smelled vaguely like you were standing a foot away from a Weber grill that had just been used for grilling the heck out of something all afternoon.

3) What about ash, bro? It was most noticeable on Sunday morning. I parked Al outside for about 90 minutes while we ate brunch in Playa Del Rey, and when we came back, it looked like he had been subject to a light dusting of snow. Given that we were in PDR, I was fairly certain, however, that 'twas not snow. 'Twas ash from the fires. Also, what's up with the "bro" thing?

4) Screw you - what's up with the 'twas crap? Good point. Next....

5) Did it affect anyone you know? My beautiful wife's aunt and uncle live in Montecito, and their home survived basically unscathed despite being very close to where that fire started. We also know someone who lives in the same area and lost a guest house but miraculously not his main home. The fire got to his porch and then stopped.

6) So a lot of people must be very fire-conscious now, huh? You would think. But apparently, not the case. On our way to the gym after work last night, we were driving through one of the canyon roads, where plants and homes would be very susceptible to fire. And some turdface a few cars in front of us tossed a lit cigarette out of his car.

In not-really-related news:

Fred Willard was my latest celeb sighting. Last night, Studio City.

I'm enjoying the heck out of Sweet Leaf mint and honey iced tea. If you like iced tea and you like mint and honey, there'd be no earthly reason why you wouldn't like this beverage. Even if you only like two out of the three, there's a good chance you'll dig it. You should be able to find it at your local Whole Foods, unless it's one of those dumb Whole Foods, like mine, that conveniently only carries it every third day or so.

By the way, help me out here: The world's most super wife (mine) pronounces the name of the store thusly: WHOLE Foods. I've always said Whole FOODS. I think it's a regional thing. But I'd like your whole opinion. Please share in comments.

Howard thinks I should stop picking on Sarah Palin. As mentioned earlier, I wanted to, but she keeps rearing her wild-animal-shooting head in very public ways. And, besides, if Dick Cavett can keep picking on her in incredibly amusing ways (seriously, worth reading) (unless you're Howard, probably), well, who am I not to post a link?

Incidentally, anyone else remember Cavett's outstanding cameo on season 2 of Cheers, back in the Shelley Long era? Great exchange: Diane: Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing you're Dick Cavett. Dick: I couldn't help being Dick Cavett.

Alright. I guess I'm feeling bloggier again.