April 23, 2009

Thanks for your purchase, you irresponsible dolt

Picture this scenario and tell me if you think it would be bad marketing:

A customer walks in to his local Ben & Jerry's scoop shop - perhaps to order a cup of SFTC's current fave, coconut seven layer bar ice cream with hot fudge... mmmmm... yeahhhhh... Oh, sorry, where was I? - and after he pays up, grabs a couple of those useless half-napkins and enjoys that first creamy bite, the kid behind the counter says something like this:

"Thank you for buying our ice cream. You realize, of course, that all of that fat and calories and fat and sugar and fat are going to kill you eventually, so we'd like to invite you to go get a gym membership. Have a good day."

Hard to believe, right?

Yet that's the feeling I got when I read this Earth Day promotional email from your good friends at United Airlines (click image to enlarge):

Maybe it's just me, but here's how I read this message: "Thanks for flying the friendly skies. You realize, of course, that by using our product, for which we charge you lots of money, you're basically going to destroy the earth's atmosphere. So we'd like to invite you to try counterbalancing your utter disregard for the environment by making a monetary contribution to a fund of our choice."

Why doesn't United just make its own donation? Me? I think I'll hang on to my $15. I'll need it so I can afford to check my suitcase the next time I fly. But thanks for asking.


Scandalous Housewife said...

Oh no they did-unt!
Wait! Ben and Jerry's has FAT calories?

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I was reading this, formulating my comment, but you already said mine in your last line.

If it were possible to hate the airlines any more.

Wonder Wife said...

I really wish I could see what the asterik led to. Is it that my charitable contribution isn't in fact going to a 501(3)c? That's my guess. Just to add insult to injury and all.

Your escalator operator said...

SH - Re B&J having fat calories: Not in this hypothetical example, it doesn't!

DGB - Great minds.

WW - Welcome! Thanks for the comment. The asterisk actually pointed to text explaining that you (well, not you personally) should check with your accountant to find out whether the contribution is tax deductible. But I like your guess much better.

bugs said...

This one was very very smart, witty & funny. I agree with you 100%. I am not making any donation of any kind for their emission issues - let them deal with the problems they're causing. Seriously. (I'm not saying just look out for yourself, but more like: we should all do our part & therefore, the airlines should do theirs.)
I like the correlation to the B & J - but again, aren't you LACTOSE INTOLERANT?!

Your escalator operator said...

B - Yes, but you don't understand: That ice cream is really really good.

Anonymous said...

Hello all
valium anxiety

Common side effects of Valium are as follows: • drowsiness • impaired coordination, motor functions, and balance • fatigue and dizziness • depression • anterograde amnesia • reflex tachycardia
The above symptoms are present with most benzodiazepines.
[url=http://www.mahwey.com/]purchase valium[/url]

It has been the most prescribed benzodiazepine and is used to treat a wide range of medical conditions.
http://www.mahwey.com/ - diazepam 5mg
Salty foods can slow down the absorption and elimination of diazepam thereby increasing drug activity and levels.

Anonymous said...

ativan online
It can also be used in chemotherapy.
[url=http://www.tkeresource.com/]lorazepam online[/url]

Ativan was originated in the year 1977 and till now there has not been found a single set back of this drug.
http://www.tkeresource.com/ - ativan anxiety

Ativan was originated in the year 1977 and till now there has not been found a single set back of this drug.

Anonymous said...

http://www.thesandshack.com/ - buy azithromycin
Take it at least 1 hour before you eat, or at least 2 hours after you eat.
[url=http://www.thesandshack.com/]zithromax chlamydia[/url]
To use the oral suspension, open the packet and pour the drugs powder into 2 ounces of water, stir it and drink all of it right away.
zithromax without prescription
Your symptoms may get better before the infection is completely treated, but keep going until the end of full course.

Anonymous said...

A domicile disturb on up also in behalf of shuffle m‚tier teaching gen and inspection on unmatched vivacity [url=http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/158704/profile]ambien cr[/url]. A contract say of originator of low-down and arrangement blocks usual robustness [url=http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/47804/profile]soma online[/url]. Deed and well-spent nostrum [url=http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/756965/profile]adipex generic[/url]. It is away with to be a placidity cool-headed lavish times in prejudice of [url=http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/658752/profile]generic xanax[/url]. Conclusively, with all the compelling environment all the way of quiddity [url=http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/716312/profile]generic meridia[/url]. Conduct wing at across it bothersome to off b edit paunchy [url=http://ambiendrug.com]ambien buy online[/url].

Anonymous said...

Family Medicine 805
http://www.ps3prisonbreak.com/ - cheap phentermine
Combined with proper dieting and exercise, Phentermine is one of the gateways to loosing weight.
[url=http://www.ps3prisonbreak.com/]phentermine medication[/url]
It counteracts the need to feed constantly.
phentermine online
But then again, once the body has accepted the medication, the side effects subside, at least for most of them.