Lipsticks and stones

While McCain and Obama continue making cute little TV ads and sniping at each other about veiled putdowns involving lip gloss and canines ... actually, come with me on a tangent before I finish that thought:

Are these people freaking serious? Obama uses a hackneyed old cliche about putting lipstick on a pig - not really eloquent, but an apropos way of comparing the 2008 Republican platform to the 2004 and 2000 editions - and John McCain and Sarah Palin think that just because she made a joke during her speech using one of the same words (for those of you just joining us, that word was lipstick) that Obama is calling Palin a hog? Uh, what? Is it that Palin thinks she now owns the copyright on all verbal references to animals wearing makeup? Maybe it's just that McPlain hasn't heard the expression before - this seems likely - they're like that dumb kid who's the target of a well-crafted putdown but can't figure out what the insult means. And of course all of the mouth-breathers are all riled up about elitist Barack making fun of people who are as stupid as livestock.

(Breath.)

... OK, back to the main point. With all of that nonsense going on, and millions of dollars being spent/wasted to influence voters, there's one thing I don't really get about the presidential campaign: How is it that there are voters who haven't yet made up their minds? What are they waiting to find out at this point? (We already know McCain's position on Katrina, for example.) This isn't standing in line at Baskin Robbins and mulling the choice between chocolate marshmallow and rocky road. More like deciding between stewed squash and baked Alaska.

Which reminds me (another aside): Shout out to my aunt Nancy, who had a dinner party the other night and - I think I heard this correctly - served Klondike bars and baked Alaska for dessert, as a mock tribute to Palin. No word on how the caribou main course went over. Just kidding.

Anyway, I trust you've pretty much made up your mind by now. You're pretty damn smart. Which is why I think you'll get a kick out of this Daily Show segment. It's from last week, but I think it holds up just fine, even after five long days. The whole thing's about 8 minutes, so if you have to choose a clip, scroll ahead to the 4:18 mark and watch the next 100 seconds. You can do it. You've got 100 seconds to spare for this. You're welcome.