Preparing for Carmageddon

If you live in or near Los Angeles, or if you're Twittered or Facebooked or LinkedInned with someone in L.A. - or if know someone who knows someone who acted in a movie with Kevin Bacon - chances are you've heard that a big portion of the 405 freeway is going to be closed next weekend.

Which isn't that big of a deal, except that about half a million cars use the route each weekend, including, most importantly, mine. And that - even when every lane is open - you can usually count on getting stuck in traffic.

In other words, it's going to be a complete and utter nightmare. (Well, either that or I'll just go to the beach.)

This city being the creative capital of the world, we've come up with a catchy name for the event: Carmageddon.

The Los Angeles Times covered it this way a few months ago, which was fine, except that the reporter made one observation that I found rather odd: 

(Click to enlarge)

I don't play the lottery too much anymore. Do a lot of winning tickets have 11 picks? Or three-digit numbers? More to the point: Is there any possible way the writer could have made that potentially helpful information - alternate routes and bus lines for those who need to get around L.A. - any less useful? Thank you, L.A. Times. Thank you for nothing.

Which leads me to the main reason for this nugget of bloggy goodness. Despite the Times' best efforts, for those of us whose driving activity is going to be affected by the freeway closure, there really are only three ways to prepare. They are:

1) Leave Los Angeles for the weekend.

2) Stay extremely close to home for the weekend. (Which works for me, since "close to home" incorporates "beach.")

3) Outfit yourself properly, with one of the five following new t-shirts designed by S and J Market, the official apparel mart of SFTC. I give you: Carmageddon wear 2011, available for a limited time only!* 

(Subtle plug: Click images to visit the S and J Market store.)

Don't live in L.A.? Pick up one or a few anyway! They're the ultimate mid-summer gifts/conversation starters. And you'll make me feel better about having spent a really long time designing apocalyptic versions of the 405 freeway sign. Win-win.

* Not really. I'll probably keep them posted until I sell a whole bunch more.

Unquestionably worth it

This hasn't been the best week ever, but lucky for me, it's getting worse right now because it's 9:30 on a Friday night and (1) I'm blogging, which is plenty lame, and (2) the jerkwad who lives upstairs from me thought this would be an awesome time to do some home improvement. Sounds like there's some electric drilling*, some sanding, and - probably just to mess with me - a little bit of hammering. Just awesome.

But please: Don't despair. Because I found something you could buy me to cheer me up. Two nights in Pennsylvania. Well, more specifically two nights at Fallingwater - perhaps the coolest private home ever designed. (Photos here, here and here - thanks, Flickrerers.) I'm a big Frank Lloyd Wright fan, and because I lucked out when it came to getting great parents, I actually got to take a tour of the place when I was in high school.

So, if you'd like to pony up the $1,200 for the two-night stay, I'll promise to send you a post card. Seems totally worth it - even if I'd only get to hang out and eat in the main house (sleeping accommodations are in a neighboring guest house rather than in Fallingwater itself). Yep, sign me up.

Oh, actually, one other thing that really cheered me up this week was that for the first time in months, I sold one of my t-shirts - my homage to Tulsa, Oklahoma. It's probably the most un-PC shirt I've designed, but it was also the first one I posted to my Zazzle page, almost a year ago. I was shocked** that nobody had bought one until now - seemed like the kind of thing that would really catch on.

Get yours today - it's the perfect Yom Kippur gift.

* No, not a euphemism.
** No, not really.

Save me a seat!

It might just be because I'm looking for an excuse to post one more link to the all-time greatest T-shirt in the history of ever*... but I saw this headline about a very prominent soon-to-be-vacant seat and I'm wondering if anyone has thought about getting the well-coifed ex-governor of Illinois to take care of filling it. I think Mr. Blagojevich has some time on his hands and I'm sure he'd get top dollar for it.

* Come on, people. Pony up a few bucks and get one for yourself or a loved one. It's the perfect Mother's Day gift!

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Insanity, thy name is slightly altered obscure political quotes

Yesss! G-Rod is back in the news, baby.

Read all about Blagojevich's latest court appearance! Buy a handsome commemorative t-shirt designed by the creative team behind SFTC! (While supplies last.*) Brush the hell out of your hair!

Aside from feeling a reassuring sense that there's probably plenty of mockability left in the case of the former Illinois governor, I gleaned one other thing from today's coverage. I'm no legal expert, so I'm not really sure if it's even possible to plead insanity in response to the charges Blago is facing. But I think that's where he's headed.

Because if you need to make yourself look certifiably nutso, misquoting a little-known Teddy Roosevelt line seems like a good way to go.

The New York Times, describing Blago's post-game press conference outside the federal building in Chicago: “Black care never catches a rider whose pace is fast enough,” Mr. Blagojevich said at one point, offering a slight permutation on something Theodore Roosevelt once said. “You got that?”

You bet, G-Rod. We've got it. Loud and clear.

* I don't think they're in danger of running out, since I've sold roughly zero of these so far. (I know, shocking, right?) (But, still, you should definitely place your order today.)

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All we are saying

... is give piece a chance.

Introducing the brand new T that will take the nation by storm, just as soon as lots of people start wearing them all over the place, talking about them all the time and ... ah, who am I kidding?

Seriously, wouldn't you feel good about starting that kind of national movement just by buying your very own Piece t-shirt from S and J Market? My sister called it "funny." My superfantastic wife said it was "cute."

And, I'm not kidding: They know t-shirts. What more motivation do you need? Get your own today.

Don't walk... run!

... to get yourself the hot new T-shirt from S and J Market.

The latest design is a tribute to the bustling metropolis of Norwalk, Conn., which is where the company I used to work for is based. (That sentence is phrased awkwardly partly because I didn't actually work there - I worked from home and just visited when they had Christmas parties and summer barbecues, which came out to roughly twice a year - and partly because I don't have the juice right now to figure out a better way to write it.)

As my former colleagues could attest (that's you, LDog!), I talked frequently, probably way too much, about my brilliant idea for a Norwalk t-shirt. Now, that idea has become a very wearable reality.

This S and J exclusive is sure to be the must-have clothing item for a very small number of trendy fashionistas for 2009! (And fashionistos, too. Since you're wondering, Yes, it's available in men's sizes.)

Take a look...



... and then click on over!

In other, less self-promotional news, Andrew Bird and his new CD have been getting almost Britney-size media coverage lately! Some of the hype started before I wrote my blog post about the new album, so I'm not taking all of the credit, but I will take a little.

If you're interested, which you should be, the New York Times ran this nice profile. But even cooler is Bird's latest entry in a sometimes fascinating New York Times blog that's written by a handful of songwriters - the neatest part is the audio clips of one new song as it evolved from demo to album. And on this page on NPR's web site, there's a link that'll let you listen to the entire new disc for free! Which is a pretty good deal.

Because you can't spell corruption without a "T"

Hot off the metaphorical presses... it's the brand new S and J Market t-shirt everyone in Illinois will be wearing tomorrow. Or at least they would be if they'd ever heard of S and J Market.

Our sartorial tribute to soon-to-be-ex-governor Rod Blagojevich is right here:



Here's hoping for an interesting trial.

Miscellaneous Monday

In no particular order:

1) After a hiatus of two years or so - during which they probably missed me terribly - I am once again a Costco member. The most immediate result of this weekend development is that my mid-afternoon snack today is approximately one and three quarters pounds of delicious pineapple. Guess what my mid-afternoon snack tomorrow through Friday will be.

Since we don't have tons of storage space in our apartment, it's probably a tossup whether the annual membership fee is a great investment. The 30-pack of paper towels might save us lots of dough, but unless we start crating stuff on our porch, that's probably a little too much Bounty for the humble abode. But if my math is even close to correct, we should be able to make it worthwhile with what we save on gas (almost 25 cents per gallon cheaper at Costco right now, I think) and cat litter alone.

2) Speaking of cats, we took two of our three to the vet for vaccines and checkups Saturday. Is it just Sampson and Brearley or do all cats really freakin' hate getting into their carrying cases? I don't think they even care how deeeee-luxe these bags are - they want no part of it.

Unfortunately, we had to bring Brearley back to the vet this morning for a dental cleaning, which is kind of a production for kitties. So we weren't in the greatest mood while dropping her off and then the receptionist makes it worse by continually referring to our cat as "it," as in "Has it been to our office before?"

I'm no expert on animal hospital management, but I'd hazard a guess that one of the first rules they teach you in vet receptionist school is referring to the animals as "he" or "she." Maybe because pet people want vets and their employees to not make it seem as though they're taking care of inanimate objects.

3) In what must be a sign that I'm now a full-fledged resident of Greater Hollywood, while I was sleeping last night I dreamed up approximately half of an episode of Entourage. It wasn't the most original storyline - I think E cheated on his girlfriend but got caught - but the dialogue was pretty snappy. Maybe there’s something in the air (smog?) that makes people think teleplays.

4) So, you knew I'd get to t-shirt news at some point, right? Oh calm down. I'm not even talking about what's new at S and J Market.

No, I wanted to show you what arrived via UPS this morning. My very own Alaska for Obama t-shirt:

I ordered it a month ago, just minutes after the Palin-Biden debate, as my own mini protest against criminally inept vice presidential candidates. I guess lots of other people had the same idea because the shirt was backordered. But I think I'll wear it tonight when I get home and certainly tomorrow while we watch election coverage.

5) OK, never mind that stuff I wrote before about not boring you with more news from S and J Market. How could I let you go through the rest of your day without seeing our latest new design? Answer: I couldn't.

There's a suburb south of Chicago called Flossmoor. When I lived in the Big Windy, any time someone mentioned the place, I'd tell them I had a brilliant, t-shirt-worthy slogan that the town should use to drum up... I don't know, tourism? The point is: Until this weekend, that brilliant idea was just a t-shirt-worthy slogan. Now, it's actually on a t-shirt.

See for yourself:

Catchy, no? (Weird picture, though. I'm still trying to figure out what happened to this dude's head.) And it's printed on a high-quality American Apparel shirt - perfect for holiday giving! (On sale through tomorrow!)